Bolton Resort Report – Waiting on the Reset

Snow totals are still firmly in the "low tide and fast grass" zone, but the storm lining up tonight is the one we’ve been mumbling about on the sherpa line all week. NWS has Bolton queued up for a proper reload, so consider this the calm before the cawsome: wax the good boards, finish your P-tex therapy, and get ready for fresh tattoos on Holden’s proper once the snow globe tips over.

Employee Notice: Skin Glue Moved AGAIN (Shop Conditions)

Location: Lil Rooster tuning bench
Time observed: 08:12 — suspiciously sticky

Folks — consider this the official shop report and simultaneously an HR-adjacent memo.

Summary:
Somebody relocated the skin glue AGAIN. It was discovered today behind the stack of old baseline files, in a mittens jar, and taped to the underside of the waxing bench like a small, sticky surprise. This is now being reported as a recurring phenomenon and possibly a social experiment.

What we found:

• Skin glue (1 tube) → moved from labelled "Glue — Top Drawer" to "Mystery Cupboard" (behind the spare edge tuner).
• One Post-It reading "for emergencies only" — not signed.
• A suspicious smear leading to the ski rack. Possible footprint: small, leaving a faint trace of shame.

Bench Conditions:

• Cleanliness: 6 (could be worse)
• Glue Accessibility: 2 (unless you enjoy spelunking)
• Shop Morale: 8 (this is comedy gold)
• Likelihood of Repeat Offense: 97%

Notice to Employees (Required reading):

1. If you move glue, leave a note, a haiku, or at least an incriminating sticker. We need context.
2. Return all adhesives to GLUE -> TOP DRAWER. This is a code of honor and a safety regulation in the same breath.
3. Anyone caught relocating glue will be assigned "gummy duty" for a week (that includes refilling applicators and explaining why liquid glue is not a snack).
4. If you find glue in an inappropriate place, take a photo and post it to the bench chat. Bonus points for dramatic captions.

Shop Action Plan:

• Immediate: Re-label the top drawer with reflective tape and a small, intimidating sticker: "DO NOT MOVE THE GLUE. SERIOUSLY."
• New protocol: Glue movements require a signed sticky note with time + initials. No exceptions (except when the boss is asleep).
• Longer term: Glue Amnesty Day next Friday — donuts provided. Bring your misplaced adhesives and explain your behavior to the group.

Weather/Resort Conditions Addendum (because this is still a conditions report):

• Snow: 0" (shop floor only)
• Conditions: Slightly waxy, occasionally sticky, warm with low visibility behind the waxing bench
• Recommended kit: nitrile gloves, strong coffee, an alibi

Final rating:

• Lil Rooster Operational Integrity: 5/10 (we out-sussed one glue thief today, but morale is high)
• Accuracy: 9/10 (you literally can't miss the sticky evidence)
• Entertainment value: 11/10

Signed,
The Tuning Bench (and whoever slid the glue under the files — you owe us a donut)